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Expanding Our Circle
According to a 2004 Gallup Poll, "on average, Americans have nine 'close friends' (a mean of 8.6), not including their relatives." On the other hand, the average user on Facebook has 338 'friends.' (www.bigthink.com) While we may have a lot of 'friends' on Facebook, we seem to have a lot fewer real friends we would call 'close,' and whom we would probably be more likely to include in our circle of friends we would actually invite into our homes.
Of course, we usually have more than just the nine or so friends we interact with on a regular basis; most people interact daily with their coworkers, classmates, and family, and have some sort of relationship with them that leads them to likewise consider them 'friends' on some level. A finding by British anthropologist Robin Dunbar "first proposed in the 1990s…that humans can comfortably maintain only 150 stable relationships" and is now known as "Dunbar's Number." As with the average number of 'close friends' noted in the Gallup Poll, some will have more and some will have fewer.
And as friendships go, it is these 150 or so people with whom we may have a reasonable possibility of having some sort of influence. As friends do, ideas are discussed and debated, advice is given and taken, help is offered or received, and arguments are made or suggested and either accepted or rejected. Those whom we would include in our circle of 150 or so will occasionally listen to our advice and, maybe, they might even seek it.
As Christians, think about this as our circle of influence, and consider that others not in this circle may likewise be influenced without our knowledge. People who are friends of our friends [on Facebook or even in the real world] may be touched by our influence and at least have the possibility of hearing something from us indirectly or because of common friendships. In all reality, there are some with whom we may have even a one-time interaction whom we may influence, and we should never forget our ability to make an impact with anyone we meet or who happens to see or hear us.
If you, as a Christian, think you have little influence on others, or at least little persuasive ability — don't get ahead of yourself just yet; those are two different subjects. Even people with little persuasive abilities are able to influence others; that is, while we may not have persuasive speech, we can still have an impact on their lives. Surely, we know that some people may never converse with us, but are influenced by what they see us do. Influence is not limited to just what we say.
Furthermore, let us note, again, that we may have influence on those who are not a part of our circle of friends and 'close friends.' We may an influence on complete strangers! Something we say or do may be overheard or seen from a distance, and these people unknown to us may be affected. Let's not forget that can be either for good or for the worse. The children's song that reminds us "Be careful little mouth what you say; be careful little hands what you do" should not be forgotten when we become adults.
Jesus, in fact, reminds us, “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven” (Matt. 5:16), and Peter admonishes us, “Beloved, I beg you as sojourners and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul, having your conduct honorable among the Gentiles, that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may, by your good works which they observe, glorify God in the day of visitation” (1 Pet. 2:11, 12). In each passage, we are reminded others will be watching us to see what we are doing, with the very real possibility they may end up glorifying God because of what we are saying or doing! We do have an impact on those around us, whether we realize it or not! Let us start living like it is true — because it is.
With all this said, and with the thought in mind that many of those whom we see on a regular basis are unbelievers or ones who follow the creeds of men or their own idea about what God wants, rather than the actual will of God as revealed in the Bible, are we using our influence on others to lead them to gain an interest in spiritual matters? Are we using our influence on others to study God's word with them, with the intention of pointing them to the way of salvation?
And, while we're thinking about this, why do we limit ourselves to those whom we know and consider 'friends'? Why not expand that circle and reach out to others whom we might not otherwise even begin a conversation? Think about Jesus and the Samaritan woman at the well in Sychar; she didn't know Jesus other than the fact He was obviously a Jew, and yet He began a conversation with her about an everyday need [a drink of water] and it ended with many people believing in Him (John 4:1- 42). Jesus dared to go outside the socially-acceptable circles and speak to someone Jews normally wouldn't give a second thought about. Think about the results of that simple conversation, and we see how we might be able to influence more people than we know!
It is this willingness of Jesus to ignore social norms and speak with her that we should note here; can we not do the same thing today and reach a wider audience and a greater number of lost souls if we would just be willing to speak to others who don't live where we live, speak like we do, look like we do, are supporters of the same political party, or even like the same things we like? Why can't Caucasians speak to African- Americans? Why can't Hispanics speak to Asians? Why can't we just talk to anyone we meet about God's word, their souls, and eternity? Isn't this a subject that should cross all social boundaries and ignore what others might think?
Jesus once asked His audience, “And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise. But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive back, what credit is that to you? For even sinners lend to sinners to receive as much back” (Luke 6:31-34). He followed this up with the command to love our enemies, but we should also think about complete strangers, and people of other economic classes, people of other races, people with greater or lesser education than ourselves, and especially people of different religious beliefs. Can we not expand our circle just a little and reach out to those who don't look just like us, talk just like us, and think just like us, looking for nothing in return? Can we influence a few more people than we now do, with the possibility of saving a soul?
The apostle Paul set a pretty good standard for us to follow, too, telling us, “I have become all things to all men, that I might by all means save some” (1 Cor. 9:22), and, “I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit, but the profit of many, that they may be saved” (1 Cor. 10:33). If we are willing to expand our circles, it may just mean more saved souls. That's a good thing! —— Steven Harper
