Articles
Exercising 'Pain Prevention'
James writes of the dangers of the tongue, teaching or reminding us, “If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body. Indeed, we put bits in horses’ mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body. Look also at ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires. Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things.
See how great a forest a little fire kindles! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so” (Jas. 3:2-10).
James has given us some wise words, by inspiration of the Holy Spirit, regarding our words — what we say and how we say it — and we would do well to heed that advice! When we fail to remember that our words can do harm or damage to others and to good things, we may just end up saying the very thing that destroys. Being that self control is a fruit of the Spirit (cf. Gal. 5:22, 23), this is something that should be evident by its practice in our own lives, and this includes controlling our own tongues.
Consider, also, Peter's admonition to add self-control to our faith (2 Pet. 1:6), among other things. What place does self-control have? Let us note, first of all, that if we lack self-control [or any of the things Peter says we must add to our faith], then we are “shortsighted, even to blindness, and [have] forgotten that [we were] cleansed from [our] old sins” (2 Pet. 1:9). On the positive side, if we have self-control, then “an entrance will be supplied to [us] abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” (2 Pet. 1:11). He also tells us if we have these things in our lives [if we add them to our faith], we “will never stumble” (2 Pet. 1:10). For those who seek to follow in the steps of Jesus (1 Pet. 2:21), the importance of self-control then becomes evident.
The wise writer likewise has much to say about our speech and the words we may use, and how they affect others. In the Proverbs, we find wisdom about lying (Prov. 6:16, 17), slander (Prov. 10:18), talebearing (gossip, Prov. 11:13), backbiting (Prov. 25:23), and flattery (Prov. 29:5). All of these things can ruin the lives of others, and we should strive to avoid doing these things, or even tolerating such.
With that in mind, let us think about one particular warning of the wise writer regarding our speech — a passage that directly speaks to the need for self-control regarding our words. In Proverbs 29:11, the wise writer tells us, “A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back.” In this proverb, we find a blunt statement about who it is that lacks self-control of one's tongue: the fool!
"But," you might ask, "what is so bad about venting your feelings?" Good question! While some psychologists and anthropologists tell us it's a good thing, let's look at some reasons why this is a foolish and harmful habit.
When They Are Angry Words. The most obvious danger of venting one's feelings lies in the fact it is quite often done in anger; someone is upset about something and they feel like they just have to express their feelings about the matter, and angry words come spewing out of the mouth like an erupting volcano, with everyone around not knowing who will be struck by those words or where they will land.
It should be interesting to note that the way men may be described is either "hot-tempered" or one with a "cool head." It is not surprising, though, that the hot-tempered man is the one who causes the most trouble, just as fire is more destructive than ice. The “wrathful man” (Prov. 15:18, NKJV) is one who might also be called “hot-tempered” (NASB) and the word translated as “wrathful” actually means "hot"; it may also be translated as "poison," referring to the fever that arises when one is infected with venom. In various ways, the anger of the hot-tempered man is a dangerous thing and those who are close to him are likely to get burned, especially when he is venting his feelings [in his case, the feeling is anger].
When They Are Vengeful Words. Every once in awhile, someone may do some wrong against us, or it may even be that they do or say something with no intent to do harm, but we are slighted, or insulted or hurt, nonetheless. It is after such situations that we may be tempted to lash out at the one who hurts us and say exactly what we feel. Sometimes, those words we choose are to return the favor and inflict harm or hurt on them, too.
In such situations, it would be good to heed the advice of Thomas Jefferson: "When angry, count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred." Or, we could heed the words of James: “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (Jas. 1:19, 20). Let us always remember that vengeance is not our place, and neither should we desire it. When tempted, remember to invoke the "Golden Rule" and “Repay no one evil for evil” (Rom. 12:17), and, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Rom. 12:21).
When They Are Complaining Words. The everyday things of life quite often give us reason to complain, but disciples have been commanded, “Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world” (Phil. 2:14, 15), and, “Do not grumble against one another, brethren, lest you be condemned” (Jas. 5:9). Paul's words remind us that we are lights shining in this world of darkness — but how can we shine if we are complaining?
Of all people in the world, the people of God — disciples of Jesus Christ — should be the least likely to complain, and the most thankful. If we are tempted to complain, let us remember all the good God and Christ have done for us when we were undeserving; maybe then we will be able to overlook someone else's faults and shortcomings. Let us remember, too, what has been promised for us after this dreary earthly life; how could we complain when we are thinking about eternal life in heaven?
Finally, let us heed the words of the apostle Paul: “Walk in wisdom toward those who are outside, redeeming the time. Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt” (Col. 4:5, 6). Whether it is in personal and private conversation, in the public arena, or, especially in today's world, on social media, let us not reveal ourselves to be fools who are willing to vent our feelings every chance we get. Let us be willing to exercise some ‘pain prevention’ by choosing our words wisely. —— Steven Harper
